Kids and Remarriage – So What Do You Tell Them?

Marrying again with kids in tow can complicate your life. On the one hand, you have found your perfect match at last, and want to spend the rest of your life with this person. On the other hand, you don’t want to take any false step that will harm your kids’ future. Breaking the news of this remarriage to your kids can be hard enough. But don’t make it harder for them by dropping the remarriage bomb on them out of the blue.

How to Break the News of Remarriage to your kids?

Instead of breaking the news to your kids suddenly, you need to introduce the new person in your life to your kid’s right at the beginning. Tell your kids and let them know how much you love this new person and also make your kids understand that this new adult relationship will not change the relationship dynamics between your kids and you in any way.

Include your kids in your plans. Take your lover and your kids out to the movies or to restaurants, make them spend time together so that they become comfortable. And then slowly introduce the news of remarriage to your kids in the gentlest possible manner.

If your kids are already friends with your new love interest, and spending time together doing fun things, they won’t really be surprised at the news.

Be the first to Break the News

However, it should always be you who should break the news to your kids. If your kids get to hear about your remarriage plans from other peoples’ mouths, they may feel angry, upset, and insecure and may indulge in violent behavior.

Age of Kids

If your kids are very young, explaining the concept of remarriage can be very difficult. But you have to do it and you can ask your ex-spouse to help you out. Explain the situation as clearly as you possibly can.

With teenagers, you have to be more concerned about timing. Try to avoid freaking your teenage kid out when he/she is busy with exams or heart breaks. Try to seek out a peaceful place and time when you can discuss this issue with your kid without getting interrupted. Try to answer all their questions.

Your adult kids may have guessed long back that you were about to get married once more, so they will already be mentally prepared to hear the ‘news’.

Acceptance

All kids do not respond to their parent’s newfound happiness in the same manner. While some kids cut off their parent completely and take months or years to accept the remarriage and a new person in your life, others welcome your love interest with open arms.

Be ready to deal with angry, emotional outbursts, accusations, rebellious anti social behavior, tears, drama and refusal to accept this remarriage.

Some kids, on the other hand, become quiet and reflective and withdraw from society. After all, kids have every right to fantasize that their moms and dads would reunite one day. When that doesn’t happen, they react violently or in strange ways. You have to be very patient, give them time to accept this new situation and before moving on with life.

It is important to remember this is not a one time “talk”, a sigh of relief that it’s over and then on with your life. Kids need time to process this information and depending on the age of the child and how they are receiving the news profession help may be necessary.